How one wrong choice can change your whole life

To show how one bad choice can change your entire life, photographer Trent Bell asked inmates serving long sentences at the Maine State Penitentiary to write letters to their past selves.







Dear Bob, Within a few months of graduating in 1964, you had three job offers that you passed up. Any one of them could have been your career, especially the job with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, the equivalent of the American FBI. It took a stint in prison and reflection to understand what a happy childhood you had as an only child on a 150-acre farm. You weren't smart enough to appreciate the good things in your life until it was too late. You lived for the future, not the present. Then you fell in with the bad company of your cousin, who was seven years older. He and his friends would take me salmon fishing at night. There was always alcohol, and I wanted to fit in—that's how my drinking began. You looked up to your cousin as an older brother, which was a mistake. I rarely spent time with anyone who didn't drink. Ten years passed, and your life spiraled out of control. You were drawn to the life of a truck driver and the bright lights of Montreal and other cities. Drinking, drugs, and partying turned work and family life into hell. I ruined two marriages, and here I am, serving 55 years after already serving 17. Now I know—be careful when choosing friends or family. Do you truly share their goals in life? We allow alcohol and drugs to ruin our dreams and our possible futures.

To Jack Bubber. I'm writing to let you know that I've seen the future and know what awaits you. I want to warn you that if you don't change, things will be difficult for you. You love fast money, trucks, motorcycles, women, and drugs. Even though you're a simple worker, you'll eventually realize you're committing crimes: selling drugs and not just going to work, because work isn't enough for you. When you start using expensive drugs, your so-called "friends" will demand more from you. Don't try to impress them. In the end, you'll be the one sitting alone in a cold cell, and they'll be far away. And you'll look back and wonder how you could have traded the lives of your children, your parents, and even your own for a life in prison. Get a job, Jack, quit drugs, and avoid madness, because you deserve to live your dreams, not just dream them.



If I could write a letter to myself, I'd start by saying that life isn't always so good. Sometimes it knocks you down, but the struggle makes you stronger, and change makes you wiser. Always respect your parents, even if you think you're right, and always tell them how much you love them. It's never a bad thing: you never know how much longer you're destined to be together. Don't drop out of school, even if it's a struggle. Your diploma is more important than you think, not only for you, but also for your children and parents. When you enter university, pull yourself together and don't drive after drinking: it won't end well. Don't try to be someone you're not—it leads to many mistakes. When you meet the love of your life, you'll know it right away. Marry her and make her happy every minute. Don't waste time—you never know how much time you have left. If something is meant to be, it will work out—just don't give up. Basically, this letter is about never losing who you really are, because by the time you figure it out again, it might be too late. I hope this letter finds you in good health.



William, as I look back on my life, I want to share my observations about how my decisions have impacted me and my loved ones. When you were 16, your parents divorced, forcing you to take on a new role as both a parent and the eldest child. You dropped out of school to work full-time, and you did well. You provided your younger siblings with clothing and food. You sacrificed not only school but also your free time: you no longer attended school or sporting events. Toward the end of the summer, your job ended, and hard times fell. You had an idea for another way to make money. Please think carefully before you steal from the guy who scammed your brother. This is a fork in the road, and I chose the wrong one. I chose to steal from that guy, and I got caught. I spent six months in prison, after which finding work was even harder. There is always a choice, and you must find it. I spent most of my life behind bars, and you deserve so much better.



A letter to my younger self. Hello. This is my future, older self. I want to reach out to you and help you avoid becoming like me—a veteran of the prison system who spent over 20 years in it. If you pay attention to me and listen to my advice, you might just avoid that future and live a special life. First and foremost, accept the fact that you are special. You were born this way. Be yourself, and you'll win over good people. When you try to appear different to fit into a certain mold, you lose yourself. Always remember that you must first be your own friend. Also, know that your family loves you and will always love you. Never analyze it or compare it to the love in other families. They do the best they can with the means at their disposal. Love back without expectations and without conditions, and the bond will remain strong. Finally, no matter what difficult experiences you've been through, they shouldn't define you. You have the freedom to choose. Always. Be quick to smile, slow to anger, and treat people with the respect they deserve. That's how you can avoid becoming me. Robert Payzant.



Jamie, so much has happened in my life. So many mistakes have been made. Prison, drugs, stealing, and lying to those who believed me. The only good thing that happened was the day my daughters were born. Even with them, we made bad decisions. Why couldn't we live our lives right? If only we'd known that dropping out of school was a big mistake. The people who called themselves our friends were just bad influences. We let them get into our heads. Jamie, Jamie, Jamie. We knew we were doing wrong, but that didn't stop us. There's no one to blame but ourselves. I'm sitting in this cell now, in prison, and I say, "Jamie, what idiots we were. Why did we commit another crime two months after the first?" I just shake my head. We're better than this. Prison is no place to be. Jamie, you need to get your act together. You still have your whole life ahead of you. I stand in front of the mirror and think back to our Little League days. It was so much fun. Or rocking our kids to sleep. We chose the wrong path. Only 20 years. 10 years is a long time, but we'll get through it. I wouldn't want anyone to repeat our mistakes. Life isn't over, Jamie. Past mistakes will become learning experiences. I say it now and I'll say it again tomorrow: "Don't do what I did."



Dear Peter, it's great to have this opportunity to talk to you. I'm 55 years old now, and I spent the last six years in prison. Let me tell you, that's no life. A lot of what you're about to do is great, but some of it is stupid. If something seems like a bad idea, it is. Don't do it. If you feel God's presence in your life, trust Him. You will receive many blessings, many signs of what you should do. Live with your eyes open, be mindful, do what's right, and you won't have to go to prison. God loves you, follow His commandments. Peter.



Ken, (young man), Look what you've done to us, our sons, our joy, our future—it's all DESTROYED! You NEVER listened to the advice, the WARNINGS, from people who knew where we were headed. You chose the wrong path. Now, here in PRISON, at 50, I know we never imagined we'd make so many TERRIBLE MISTAKES. Drugs, relationships, alcohol, sex, the "1962 coffee shop guy," online dating, cybersex, phone sex, Yahoo chat—these ADDICTIONS ruined our lives! You hurt so many people back in 1982: Mom, Dad, sisters, brother, sons, wife/ex-wife, adopted daughter, a bunch of girlfriends/partners, ex-stepmother, and on and on. Credit cards, money borrowed (from Mom and Dad), dropped out of school. How many JOBS have you had? How many jobs (and relationships, which is also important) have you lasted more than 5 YEARS? NONE. NONE. Remember your new 1987 Dodge Ramcharger? What you turned it into! Remember how in 1991 they took everything from you for debts? Remember your (short) MARRIAGE? Now, as convicted sexual harassers, we will NEVER be able to teach AGAIN. You worked for so long IN WAITING! And our sons with autism? You will NEVER see them again! Remember how hard it was to save them from their mother? And then she died. You spent a year and a half in the courts, only to lose them. Four years later, you RUINED your future and your life, Ken! Do yourself a favor: LISTEN TO THOSE WHO LOVE YOU. Embrace their wisdom and understanding. They want to save you from yourself!



Brendon, it's hard for me to sit here and write this letter to you. Our journey has been hard, filled with pain, tears, and heartache. I've made many mistakes. I'm writing this letter to warn you of what may await you down the road if you don't open your eyes, to tell you what's truly important in life. It's 2013, and you've been in prison for four years. How and why exactly is not important now, let's look at the bigger picture. You are here because of ignorance, because of a way of thinking, and because you tried to be someone you are not. Just know that people will constantly test you, no matter what you think: only a real man can turn and walk away. Anyone can fight, even the weakest. Anyone can respond with violence, but only a REAL MAN can turn the other cheek and walk away. Things will happen to you that will embitter you towards your loved ones. You will have to grow, confront your problems, admit them. Express yourself. Don't run from them. No matter what, your family loves you unconditionally. They will be there for you when you need it most and least expect it. They will always lend a hand if you stumble. Love them and help them whenever possible, they deserve it. Don't be afraid to love, and when you love, love completely. Youth is no excuse; if you love someone, show it and prove it. Do everything right so that when you look back, you don't want to do it again or do it more. Be careful who you associate with. Your true friends deserve the world. Devote yourself to worthwhile things. Do something positive every day. Be courageous. "Courage allows you to take risks, be strong, be compassionate, and have the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity" (Keshavan Nair). No matter what, always love yourself. Sincerely, you.



Dear Wes, I write to you and pray that my heartfelt words will inspire you and keep you from making the wrong choice that could change your life forever. Spending your life in prison is no fun. You lose your freedom, and people forget about you over time. Soon you're alone in the world. There are so many things in this world, beyond drugs and alcohol, that you wouldn't trade for the life of a criminal. Wes, I've seen it all and tried it all. 20 years later, I'm still in prison, paying for the mistakes I made. Don't be like me: you can be better than me and stay out of prison. You can succeed in life if you listen to your parents' advice. I ran and rebelled against everything they told me to do. You have to have more faith in the love of those around you, because when we think we can do everything our way, that's when we're wrong. You don't want to grow up surrounded by prison walls, throwing your life away like I did. You have a choice in life. And if you find people who truly love you and care about you, I promise you won't be a loser like me. I've made a lot of mistakes, and I always ask myself, "What if?" 1. What if I hadn't dropped out of school? 2. What if I had chosen better friends? 3. What if I had said no to booze and drugs? 4. What if I had been more attached to my parents? Or how I could have lived a better life and avoided prison. You have a chance to be a young man with his whole life ahead of him. Ask him: What do you want in life? What makes you happy? Whatever it is, I guarantee it's better than being locked up in prison, in a lonely and dark world, far from your family and loved ones. Wes, I believe in you, so many people believe in you that you simply have to believe in yourself. You can do anything you set your heart on. Don't make the same mistakes I did. I assure you, this is not the life you want to live. My advice to you: stay in school and follow your dreams, and everything else will fall into place. Wesley Knight, July 10, 2013.